King John of Jingalo

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"Your Majesty," entreated the Prime Minister, "may we proceed to
business?"

"If we made war on England," persisted the King, "we should not have to
send out a single regiment, or impose any extra taxation on ourselves;
in fact we should save. We should simply raise our railway and hotel
tariffs fifteen or twenty per cent. to all Englishmen, except children
in arms; children up to thirteen half price. There's the whole thing in
a nutshell; no difficulty, no difficulty whatever."

At this point, to the Premier's annoyance, Professor Teller took up the
question with a humorous appreciation of its possibilities.

"But, sir," he inquired, "how should we know that they were Englishmen?
They might disguise themselves as Americans."

"They couldn't!" said the King. "An Englishman trying to talk American
makes as poor an exhibition of himself as an American trying to talk
English; and besides, you don't know the British character! Penalize
them in the way I am suggesting and they would flaunt their nationality
in our faces; they would wear Union-jack waistcoats and carry in their
pockets gramophones which played 'God save the King' when you touched
them. They would make a point of showing us that they didn't care
twopence for our fifteen per cent.; in fact, their Tariff Reformers
would applaud us--they would put it in large headlines in all their
newspapers, and call it an object lesson and would demand a general
election on the strength of it."

"But supposing, sir," inquired the Professor, "that they did not come at
all? We have to remember that we live largely by our tourists; and if we
eliminate the English tourist----"

"Better and better," said the King. "Think how popular we should be with
the rest of Europe! No English? The Germans would simply flock to us;
our hotels would be crammed; we should be turning away money at the
door."

The Prime Minister tapped wearily upon the table; all this was such
utter waste of time; and he began to think that the King was so
intending it, and was bent upon making a royal Council a constitutional
impossibility.

But in some curious magnetic way other members of the Cabinet were now
beginning to be infected. The idea tickled their national vanity; and
though it was all put in a very amateurish way, many of them saw well
enough that for war to be retained as a solution of international
problems something on these lines would have to be done for it.
Syndicalism was merely a showing of the way.

"But, your Majesty," inquired the President of the Board of Ways and
Means, "might not England retaliate by declaring a Tariff war on us?"

"She might," said the King; "but not with the Liberals still in power;
they couldn't reduce themselves to absurdity in that way. Still,
supposing our declaration of war threw the Liberals out, what could the
others do? Our trade in English goods comes to us mainly through France
or Germany; and our own return trade is chiefly limited to our native
crockery, toys, wood-carving, and needlework, supposed survivals of our
peasant industries, which, as a matter of fact, are nearly all of them
manufactured for us in Birmingham, the home of Tariff Reform. In that
matter, by the taxing of articles which are only nominally made in
Jingalo, English trade would suffer more than ours; and there might, in
consequence, come about a real revival of our native crafts (an
advantage which I had not previously thought of)--lacking our usual
supply of the bogus article we should at last become honest in our
professions and truthful in our trademarks. Let the Minister for Home
Industries make a note of it."

"The prospect your Majesty holds out is certainly alluring," replied the
minister thus appealed to; "but if war is to teach us moral lessons,
surely we ought to have moral reasons for engaging in it as well as
business ones."

"Well, if you want them, you've got them!" said the King. "If moral
reasons were to count we ought to have been at war with England any day
for the last fifty years. England has become--if she has not always
been--a center of infection to the whole of Europe. Every disastrous
experiment on which we have embarked has come from her. By her gross
mismanagement of established institutions--the Church, the Peerage, the
Army, Land, Labor, Capital--the whole system of voluntary service and
voluntary education--she has driven the rest of Europe into
revolutionary changes for which there was no necessity whatever. In
avoiding the woeful example she has set us, of always standing still on
the wrong leg, we have run ourselves off both our own. And now she is
nourishing syndicalism like a bed of weeds, and sowing the seeds of it
into her neighbors' territories. If you are looking for moral excuse
there is no end to it; I preferred, however, to put it to you as a
business proposition."

"I must assure your Majesty," said the Prime Minister, "that your
Majesty's present advisers have no intention whatever of making
themselves responsible for a war on England, however advantageous the
circumstances may seem."

He might as well have spoken to the wind; with an increasing volubility
of utterance the King went on--

"If it were decided," said he, "that an actual invasion of England were
advisable, I have three separate plans now forming in my head, all
equally feasible and promising, and all capable of being put into
operation at one and the same time. Each one, in fact, would serve to
divert attention from the others."

It may be noted that at this point Professor Teller suddenly ceased to
be amused; his look of half-quizzical detachment becoming changed to one
of gravity, almost of distress; his Majesty's "pace" had apparently
become too much for him.

"We know, for instance," pursued the King, "that if we succeeded in
effecting a landing the German waiters would rise as one man and join us
as volunteers. Germany would, of course, officially disown them, while
for the purposes of the war we should give them letters of Jingalese
naturalization on their enlistment; these, which they would carry in
their knapsacks, would prevent them from being shot in the event of
their being taken prisoners. Our own army of twenty thousand picked
Jingalese sharp-shooters would go to England disguised as tourists. Each
in his bag would carry a complete military outfit; our new uniforms are
so like those of the English territorials that they would arouse no
suspicion at the Customs House, and even when worn only experts would
know the difference. At a given signal----"

There the Prime Minister, having extracted a look of despairing
encouragement from the Council, got upon his feet.

"I have to ask your Majesty," he said very resolutely, "that we may now
be allowed to proceed to the business for which we have been called
together."

"At a given signal----" went on the King.

"I must protest, your Majesty."

It was quite useless.

"At a given signal--I will give you your signal, Mr. Prime Minister,
when you may throw your bomb; yes, for I have seen you preparing it!--at
a given signal when the King and his Parliament were assembled together
in one place, some of our forces would mingle with the crowd; others
emerging from places of concealment would form into ranks and advance
from various quarters upon Westminster. Then, before any one was aware,
we would cable our declaration of war, rush the House, seize the heads
of the Government, carry them off to the topmost story of the clock
tower, garrison it from basement to roof, and there, with the King and
his whole Cabinet in our hands, stand siege till the rest of the nation
sued for peace."

Once more the Prime Minister endeavored to interpose; he was borne down.

"They could not blow us up," went on the King, "without blowing our
prisoners up also; they could not starve us out, for the King and his
Cabinet would perforce have to share our privations. We should have in
our possession not only the whole personnel of the Government, but that
supreme symbol and safeguard of the popular will which crowns their
constitutional edifice. And, gentlemen, you may think me as mad as you
like--you may arrest me, you may take me to the police-station, you may
rob me of all the evidence of conspiracy I have against you, and you may
call me Jack--jack-of-all-trades, master of none--Jack, plain Jack----"

The Prime Minister and Council sprang to their feet. Consternation was
upon the faces of all.

"But nothing! nothing!" he went on, "no power on earth--except it were a
whole army of steeplejacks----"

At that word the flow of his eloquence ceased; his mouth remained open
but no sound came from it. Suddenly his staring eyes puckered and
closed, wincing as from a blow; and his face flushed to a fiery red,
then paled.

He gave a short cry, threw out an arm feebly; wavered, toppled, crumpled
like a thing without bone, and fell back into his chair.

"My God!" muttered the Prime Minister. "Oh, great Heaven!"

Some one, more nimble of wit than the rest, dashed out of the room to
seek aid. All the others, impressed with a true sense of incompetence,
stood looking at their fallen King. Not one of them knew how to handle
him, whether it were best to lay him down or leave him alone. First
aid--even to their sovereign lord--had formed no part in the education
of these his counselors.

The Prime Minister did the one thing which he knew to be correct--and
which could not possibly do harm; he felt the King's heart. But nobody
for a moment supposed him to be dead; unconscious though he lay, his
heavy breathings could be seen and heard.

CHAPTER XXIV

THE VOICE OF THANKSGIVING

I

For three whole weeks thereafter--if the papers were to be believed--the
entire nation hung upon the bulletins which were issued hourly from the
royal palace. The King's illness gave the finishing touch to his
popularity; devotion to affairs of State had brought on brain-fever, and
the more desperate the symptoms of the illness could be made to appear,
the more sublime became the moral character of its august victim, and
the more deeply-rooted the affection of his people.

Professional vanity had also to be flattered; and during those fierce
fluctuations of hope and despair, Jingalo's topmost place in the world
of medical science became vindicated to the meanest intelligence. If by
a scientific miracle the King's life was to be saved, Jingalese
doctoring, and no other doctoring in the world would do it.

Nobly the press performed its task of giving to every factor in the
situation its due prominence; even the Church got its share; and when
favorable bulletins became the order of the day, their origin was
generously ascribed, even by the ministerial press, almost as much to
the prayers of the people publicly offered as to the skill of the six
best medical authorities. But when all was said and done it was to the
King's marvelous constitution, his patient courage, and his quiet
submission to the hands of his nurses (foremost of whom was her Majesty
the Queen), that the praise was chiefly due; for it was necessary, in
order to complete the situation, that the loyalty so nobly tendered
should be nobly earned.

And nobly tendered it certainly was. Never could the nation have had so
good an opinion of itself as during those dark weeks when, taught by
its press the meanings of the various symptoms, it sat by the King's bed
feeling his pulse, holding his breath, and scarcely daring to raise any
voice above a whisper. Various sections of the public were informed in
their daily journals how they and other sections were behaving
themselves; how business men went to office almost apologetically, and
only because they could not help themselves; how nursemaids hushed the
voices of their charges as they wheeled them past the precincts of the
palace for their morning's airing in the royal park; and how Jingalo
only consented to its accustomed portion of beer in order that it might
drink to the King's health and his quick recovery.

Every week in the streets at the back of the palace fresh straw was laid
down, not so much for the benefit of the sufferer (whose room was too
far away for any sound of traffic to disturb him), but as a stimulus to
popular imagination. The men who laid it down performed their task as
though the eye of the whole nation were upon them; and even upon the
Stock Exchange one learned that the rise and fall of prices were but the
harmonious accompaniment of a stupendous national anxiety.

All these things Jingalo was told by its newspapers, and some of them
were true; and in the reading and the doing of them how Jingalo enjoyed
itself! It had never had such a time of feeling good, unselfish, and
thoughtful on a large and homogeneous scale, without having to do
anything particularly unpleasant in return. The theaters suffered, but
not nearly so much as the charities; for though Jingalo was still able
decorously to amuse itself--and did so at her Majesty's special request,
for the sake of trade--it could not have its heart successfully wrung by
human compassion in more than one direction at a time--at least, not to
the same extent. And so, charitable appeals had to wait till a livelier
sense of gratitude prompted by the King's recovery should revive them.

In the conduct of human affairs association plays a very curious part.
When a man is shouting for joy he can scatter largesse with a free hand,
but he cannot loosen his purse-strings while he is holding his breath;
and even when it is only being held for him by a sort of hypnotic
suggestion, his nature is still undergoing a certain impedimental
strain.

And as a visible embodiment to all this strain of calculation and
suspense, small crowds could be seen standing constantly at the gates of
the palace, waiting for bulletins and watching with a curious
fascination the flag that so obstinately continued to float mast high.
They watched it as a crowd watches for a similar sign outside the walls
of a jail: not that they wanted it to fall--but still, if it had to,
they dearly wished that they might be there to see. Thus, even in their
griefs, did the sporting instincts of the Jingalese people rise to the
surface and bring them a consolation which nothing else could afford.

My readers will give me credit, I trust, for not having sought to impose
on them that fear of impending doom, that apprehension of what the next
hour might bring forth, on the strength of which the Jingalese press so
sedulously ran its extra editions from day to day. I have never for a
moment pretended that the King was going to die, seeing, on the
contrary, that he was destined to make a complete recovery. But he was
not to be quite the same man again--not at least that man whom we have
seen in these pages bumping his way conscientiously through a period of
constitutional crisis. For when the six Jingalese medicos came to put
their heads together over him, they found in the back of his head a
small dislodgment of bone, rather less than the size of a florin, and
protruding almost an eighth of an inch from the surface of the skull.
Great was their speculation as to how such a thing could have come about
without their knowing it--for here, of course, was the root of the whole
mischief. This fracture, brought about perhaps by some flying fragment
of bomb, unnoticed in the excitement of the moment and afterwards
ignored, had evidently been the cause of the brain-fever; and when a
cause of this sort is discovered nothing is easier for medical science
than to put it right again.

And so, seeing that the bone was out of place, they put it back just
where it ought to be, that is to say, where it had been. And as soon as
that was done, and the right pressure once more restored to the King's
brain, then his temperature went down, his delirium abated, and his
mind, as it gradually came back to him, recovered the dull, safe, and
retiring qualities which had belonged to it a year ago; and with its old
constitutional balance restored to it, it became once more contented
with its limitations and surroundings, and made a very quiet, happy, and
peaceful convalescence. And though on his recovery the King still
remembered the events of the past months they appeared to him rather in
the light of a bad dream than as a slice of real life.

The Prime Minister came to see him on the very first day when he was
allowed to sit up and receive visitors, and they met without any sign of
constraint or enmity.

"Well, Mr. Prime Minister, how are things going?" inquired the King.

"Very well, indeed, sir," replied the minister, "now that your Majesty
has taken the necessary step to relieve us of all anxiety. And, though I
have not come on this occasion to intrude politics, it may interest you,
sir, to hear that on the question of the Spiritual Chamber, the
Archbishop and I have come to an arrangement, and the necessary
legislation is to be carried through by the consent of both parties."

"Very gratifying, I am sure," said the King. "How did it come about?"

The Prime Minister hesitated. "Well, sir," he said, "there were several
contributing causes: I need not go into them all. The one thing,
however, which made some modification of our plans clearly necessary was
the death of the Archimandrite of Cappadocia. After that our proposed
consecration of Free Churchmen to the new bishoprics ceased to be
possible. No doubt your Majesty will feel relieved."

"Yes, I am," murmured the King mildly.

And so was the Prime Minister; for that event, happening so fortuitously
at the right moment, had saved his face; his political retreat was
covered, partly at any rate, by the death--in a queer odor of sanctity
all his own--of that exiled patriarch of the Eastern Church.

His exit, though opportune, had not been dramatic; attention being at
the moment otherwise directed. His two wives nursed him devotedly to the
end, and wrapped him for burial in the magnificent cape which in his
brief day of political importance the Prime Minister had given him. Very
quietly and unostentatiously he was laid to rest under the rites of an
alien Church--for his own would have none of him; nor was there any one
left to say of him now, in the land of his exile and temporary
adoption, "Ah, Lord," or "Ah, his glory!" Only in his duplicated
domestic circle was he in anywise missed; polities had shifted the
ground from under him, and he had become negligible.

II

The King's recovery was the event of the new year, not only giving it an
auspicious send-off, but lending thereafter a peculiar flavor to the
whole social calendar. For months, addresses of congratulation kept
coming in from all the societies and public bodies in the kingdom, and
at every philanthropic function in which any member of royalty took part
during the next twelve-month it gave pith to all the speeches and
focussed the applause. Its influences extended to every department of
public life; it affected politics, trade, public holiday, art, science;
it invaded literature, increased the circulation of the newspapers, and
lent inspiration even to poetry.

And those being the facts, how useless for satirists and cynics to
pretend any longer that monarchy as an institution was not firmly and
inextricably imbedded in the very life and habits of the Jingalese
people?

Even at the universities the theme chosen for the prize poem that year
was the King's recovery from sickness; and though the prizes were few an
unusually large number of the rejected poems, owing to the popularity of
their subject, were published in the local newspapers. Perhaps only a
few of them were good, but one at least achieved success, and was
recited at all charity bazaars, concerts, and theatrical entertainments
given in the ensuing year. One couplet alone shall be here quoted,
portraying as it does in graphic phrase the national suspense during
those weeks of prolonged crisis when telegram after telegram continued
to pour monotonous negation on the hopes of an expectant people--

"Swift o'er the wires the electric message came,
He is no better: he is much the same!"

Even amateur reciters could make an effect out of lines like that. Many
of them did, and on one occasion the Princess Charlotte was a
conspicuous member of the touched and attentive audience. It was a
difficult moment for her, but with the help of a handkerchief she
concealed her emotion, and the papers referred to it appreciatively as a
touching incident.

The joy-bells that rang for a King's recovery, rang also for the public
announcement of a royal betrothal. Prince Fritz had returned to the
enchantment of his Charlotte's society at the earliest possible moment,
and was in consequence one of the royal family group which went in state
to the Cathedral to return thanks for the sovereign's restoration to
health.

Across that bright scene we have to note the passing of one shadow
which, though not of impenetrable gloom, should not fail to enlist the
equable sympathy of kindly hearts. Max still moved upon the public stage
with a pensive and a chastened air. In the last month he had matured
visibly, yet he did not mourn as one without hope, for he remembered
that in the Church of Jingalo virginity could only vow itself for a
limited number of years, and he knew that time could bring wisdom to
inexperience, and make conspicuous the virtue of a heart that would not
take "no." Also he had certain fireworks up his sleeve whose brightness,
when they were let off, would penetrate even to the most cloistral
abode--he had, that is to say, his Royal Commission to work on, and the
preparation of a minority report which could not fail, when it was
divulged, to startle the world. He was even beginning to have hopes that
three or four others would sign it; for to be in a minority with royalty
has its charm.

But though he still believed in the future he was for the moment in very
solitary plight. His Countess, to whom alone he could go for comfort in
his grief, had cried over him and kissed him with all the motherly
kindness imaginable; and then, disturbed by the very depth of her pity
and afraid of what might come of it--her heart being but tender
clay--had suddenly packed up her traps and flown, leaving, if you would
like to know, most of her jewels behind her. And Max, sending after her
with his own hands those souvenirs of the past, had added a few tender
words of regret and thanks which to her dying day that good woman
cherished and said her prayers over.

III

The Thanksgiving was a very splendid affair; but the people who liked it
least were the piebald ponies. Never in their lives did they so narrowly
escape a hugging at the hands of the great unwashed; and this unwelcome
demonstration as directed against them was quite without reason or
excuse. They had not had brain-fever, or bones put back into place, or
made miraculous recoveries from anything; and they practically said as
much when resenting the liberties that were taken with them. All they
knew was that they were doing rather more than their usual tale of work;
and in consequence they were a little cross. Nothing serious happened,
however, and while waiting at the Cathedral doors they were given sugar
which quieted them down wonderfully.

Inside the Cathedral all that was great and good and noble in Jingalo
had assembled to celebrate the occasion; and in its midst, still looking
rather frail and delicate after his illness, sat the King with the Royal
Family. To right and left of him sat judges, bishops, lords, ladies,
members of the House of Laity, staff officers, diplomatists, mayors, and
corporations, heads of public departments, all very gorgeously arrayed
in their official uniforms; and there amongst the rest sat a compact
bunch of prominent Free Churchmen in black gowns--their chances of
episcopal preferment flown.

With triumphant suavity the Archbishop of Ebury conducted the service,
assisted by deans, chapters, bishops, and a dozen cathedral choirs.
Something in G was being intoned; the Archbishop was in splendid voice.

He asked that the King might be saved; and, man and boy, the twelve
choirs were with him.

He asked a blessing on the Church; and his prayer was seconded.

He implored wisdom for Cabinet ministers; that, it was agreed, would add
to the national satisfaction.

"In our time, O Lord, give peace!"

Peace: the echoes of that blessed word thrilled down the vaulted aisles
of the Cathedral.

Put into another form that might mean, "After our time, the deluge." But
the better word had been chosen: "Peace."

To the King's ear it came with all the softness of a caress; he welcomed
it, for it meant much to him. And thinking of all that was now happily
past he rubbed his hands.

The watchful reporters in the press-gallery above took notes of that; to
them, whose duty that day was to interpret all things on a high and
spiritual plane, it betokened the stress of a fine emotion, and in their
grandiloquent reports of that solemn ceremony they set it down so and
published it.

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